Which is why, I suppose, there is this hyper-interest surrounding his little car crash over the weekend. Funnily enough, while standing in line at Walmart at 5am Friday morning we skimmed through a National Enquirer where I remember noticing some blurb about an Ashley Dupree lookalike having an illicit affair with the athlete. It stands out because I thought, “Wow. The National Enquirer must be super desperate for some gossip.” Tiger Woods always seems like the nicest guy around! I even remember reading some story in, like, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul a billion years ago about him. Anyone who is featured in a book who’s title involves the words “chicken soup” does not cheat on their hot Swedish wife.

That evening I go online and suddenly Tiger is everywhere! Only not because of his adultery, but because of a “mysterious” car crash. Within hours the story had become had become total tabloid fodder (I guarantee he and Mrs. will grab at least one cover this Thursday): Was there a domestic dispute? Did his facial lacerations come from his scorned wife? And what were those golf clubs really intended for?

The bottom line is, who cares. Tiger Woods plays golf. He’s never really been any sort of celebrity outside the sports world except as Chicken Soup inspirational story. Maybe him and his wife got into an argument and he was distracted when he started his car. Maybe she slapped him. Maybe he deserved it. And if the “truth” turns out to be that the golf clubs were initially brought out for a different reason, I wonder if the media will cast fair, blonde Elin away to Chris Brown’s corner. Will there be a double standard?

I suppose sports in themselves are no longer entertaining enough. With all the voyeurism and social networking (Twitter was the top word of 2009), the public needs the inside scoop on the individuals involved, and it’s all the more interesting when we get to debunk that nice Chicken Soup guy. Tiger Woods has yet to talk to the police or release anything other than an enigmatic statement about his wife “acting courageously.” What the media shy athlete doesn’t seem to realize is that the less you give the public, the more they will speculate. And the more they speculate, the more unwanted attention you’ll be likely to receive, at least until another Balloon Boy or pair of White House Party Crashers come along…